Using Universal Design for Learning (UDL) as a Guide for Parenting

Emily DesJardins
19 hours ago
9 min read

Posted by: Emily DesJardins, M.A, UDL/AT Content Lead

Since taking on the role of UDL Content Lead with Open Access, Universal Design for Learning has become a framework I engage with deeply every day. I’ve long resonated with UDL ideas, but in this role, I’ve been able to explore specific considerations in detail and understand why they are essential for human learning. Engaging with these concepts professionally has naturally influenced how I think about parenting.

Rather than offering parenting advice or a “right way” to raise children, this post reflects on how UDL concepts can translate into family life. These ideas are shared as reflections and invitations: ways to intentionally shape environments, routines, and relationships that support agency, belonging, and joy for children and adults too. Parenting can feel overwhelming, yet it is also deeply fulfilling. Viewing it through a UDL lens has given me new ways to nurture curiosity, joy, and belonging in our family life. It has helped me realize that by slowing down and problem-solving when barriers arise, rather than reacting hastily, we can create proactive and intentional routines that benefit everyone.

Intentionality Over Reactivity

One of the most powerful shifts UDL encourages is proactive design. In classrooms, this means planning environments and lessons that anticipate learner variability instead of reacting to challenges as they occur. At home, the same principle translates into intentional parenting.

Instead of constantly responding to behavior in the moment, it can help to step back and ask:

What expectations are we communicating, explicitly and implicitly?
What are we modeling through our own actions? (How often do we tell children not to do something we ourselves do? Considering this is part of the process.)
How predictable and supportive is our home environment? How can we slow ourselves down to be more present while at home?
Do our routines reflect what we value as a family?

Every family’s answers will be unique. I encourage parents to have conversations about what they value, what they want their children to remember about childhood, and how they can foster that. Research shows that parents who use proactive strategies and set clear expectations report lower stress and children with better self-regulation and social-emotional skills (Sanders & Mazzucchelli, 2013). Intentionality doesn’t eliminate challenges, but it can reduce unnecessary friction. When adults align on shared values and regularly reflect on what is working, and what isn’t, they create systems that support both children and caregivers. This mirrors UDL’s emphasis on designing environments that work before barriers appear.

Across all parenting contexts, including co-parenting, single parenting, and complex family arrangements, a structured approach to discussing and reflecting on parenting topics is vital. If there isn’t a routine for these conversations, small challenges can quickly become conflict. Journaling, trusted friends, or supportive networks can serve a similar purpose for reflection and problem-solving, but if you do have a partner that you co-parent with, honest, open-minded conversations focused on problem solving are crucial.

Variability and Barriers at Home

UDL begins with the assumption that variability is the norm. Anyone parenting more than one child quickly sees this is true. Children may share a home, caregivers, and routines, yet experience the world in remarkably different ways.

Parenting often involves identifying and reducing barriers in the environment. Sleep is an early, universal example: families adjust lighting, sound, temperature, and routines to support rest, recognizing it as essential for regulation, learning, and well-being. In my earliest days of parenting, I remember Googling “best blackout curtains,” “most effective noise-machines,” and “best sleep sacks for deep sleep” in the wee hours of the night. These adjustments aren’t about “fixing” the child, they’re about designing the environment to meet fundamental human needs.

The same mindset applies throughout childhood. When challenges arise, UDL encourages asking not “What’s wrong with the child?” but “What barriers might be getting in the way, and how can the environment help?” In my own parenting, I often ask, “Did I set clear expectations?” or “Do my children understand the vocabulary I’m using?” or “Maybe we should role-play this before we actually start.” Approaching challenges with curiosity instead of frustration has been transformative.

Clear Expectations and Predictable Routines

A UDL-aligned practice that translates seamlessly into parenting is providing clear, consistent expectations paired with meaningful examples. Children are better able to meet expectations when they understand them and when expectations remain stable across situations.

Many families anchor expectations to a small number of shared values rather than long lists of rules. In our home, we have two family rules: we are kind and responsible. Every expectation connects back to these principles.

Routines also play a critical role. Studies show that predictable routines support children’s executive function, reduce anxiety, and increase independence, by helping children know what to expect (Fiese et al., 2002). Although routines may shift, consistent expectations provide stability, clarity, and trust.

Clear consequences sometimes include natural negative consequences, not yelling, belittling or harsh punishments, but direct, simple responses in the moment, followed by reflection later. In our home, when the “responsibility” rule is broken, extra chores or an activity being taken away for a specific amount of time are the two consequences, depending on the situation. For example, if a chore was forgotten (after a friendly reminder) because they were so focused on the fun activity they were doing, they will take a break from that activity for the rest of the day, to help them remember their chore the next day. This is a clear consequence that has been discussed with them and not a consequence that comes out of anger or a reaction in the moment. One of the most effective ways to reduce anxiety for children is to establish clear consequences ahead of time, before any specific incidents occur. When we introduce new chores, we talk about when we expect them to be completed, how many reminders we’ll provide, and what the consequences will be if the chores are forgotten or not done. The goal is that when children have all the information upfront and understand the consequences, parents don’t need to react with frustration or anger, but can instead calmly restate the consequence that was clearly defined ahead of time.

Routines have made a world of difference in our home. Our children have a set of morning chores before school: getting dressed, brushing their teeth, and setting the table for breakfast. Once those are done, they have time to play before we eat breakfast and head out for the day. After school, they unpack their backpacks and unload the dishwasher, which allows the grownups to finish dishes after dinner. Then, they can play again. Directly after dinner, they floss and brush their teeth, put on pajamas, set out their clothes for the next day, and, if there’s time before bed, choose an activity for us to do together as a family. These non-negotiable routines have become a strong foundation for our household. Even during holidays, late nights, or early mornings, the routine keeps us grounded and ensures that the “must-dos” are taken care of, creating stability and predictability for everyone.

Fostering Belonging and Contribution

In classrooms, fostering belonging means ensuring students feel seen, valued, and connected. At home, it starts with relationships.

Intentional connection through listening, eye contact, and presence strengthens a child’s sense of belonging. Consistency matters more than duration.

Giving children meaningful roles at home, including chores and responsibilities contributing to family life, helps them feel valued and capable. Evidence suggests that age-appropriate chores not only teach responsibility but also enhance self-esteem and feelings of contribution to the family (Gershoff et al., 2016). They may complain, of course, but the long-term benefits are worth it.

Nurturing Joy, Play, and Even Boredom

Joy and play are essential for learning and development; they aren’t extras to earn after work is done. Play supports creativity, problem-solving, emotional regulation, and connection.

My favorite UDL consideration in the classroom is “Nurture Joy and Play,” so it’s no surprise that it’s my favorite at home, too. This means dance parties, silly jokes, puzzles, and board games, but it also means letting my children experience boredom. As hard as it can be, boredom gives children space to explore, imagine, and find deep joy. Research shows that periods of unstructured time, sometimes experienced as boredom, are linked to creativity and problem-solving skills in children (Singer & Singer, 2005; Whitebread et al., 2012). In a world of constant engagement, these quiet moments are critical for growth, creativity, and problem-solving.

Choice Within Boundaries

UDL emphasizes offering choice while maintaining clear goals. At home, this balance appears in daily decisions, from clothing to activities.

Clear boundaries help children understand expectations, while flexible choices within them support autonomy and self-expression. When expectations are consistent and introduced early, children are more likely to accept them as part of family culture rather than arbitrary rules. Psychological research shows that providing meaningful choice within clear limits fosters autonomy, intrinsic motivation, and positive behavior in children (Deci & Ryan, 2000).

For example, when it comes to clothing, I believe if children are dressed appropriately for the season and following the school dress code, they should wear whatever brings them joy. Crocs in the winter? Nope, your little toes are going to be too cold! Crocs in the summer? Rock a different color on each foot if you want! Thoughtful choice builds independence rather than conflict. The key is taking time to decide what truly matters within your daily routines, so the choices you offer your children are intentional and supportive, not last-minute decisions driven by frustration. Since variability is the norm, those goals will look different for every family, and that’s exactly what makes UDL so powerful; it honors values, context, and individuality.

Learner Agency at Home

One of the ultimate goals of UDL is to foster Learner Agency, helping children take ownership of their learning, make meaningful choices, and engage deeply with the world around them. When I think about this goal in the context of family life, it translates into creating spaces where children can explore, create, and make decisions about how they spend their time and energy, within the framework of clear expectations and routines.

There is nothing more amazing than watching my children move from boredom or uncertainty to building incredible forts or diving into craft projects. After two years of modeling how to use the sewing machine and sewing alongside them, my 6-year-old and 8-year-old can now independently use it. They understand the rules and handle it responsibly, and the pride and joy they feel when creating capes, hats, or masks is incredible. Beyond the tangible creations, the problem-solving skills they develop when they make mistakes and figure out how to fix them are just as valuable.

The same principle applies to clothing. By stepping back and focusing only on whether clothing is “weather- and activity-appropriate,” I’ve allowed them to develop their own style and decision-making skills. These small freedoms build confidence and independence while keeping expectations clear.

Providing space for autonomy, whether it’s crafts, cooking, chores, or creative play, cultivates joy, problem-solving skills, and a sense of responsibility. In UDL terms, it’s about creating an environment where children can actively engage in ways that are meaningful and motivating to them.

An Invitation, Not a Prescription

UDL doesn’t offer a checklist for perfect parenting, just as it doesn’t prescribe a single model of teaching. Its strength lies in providing guiding principles adaptable to different families, values, and contexts. I often return to these principles in moments when I wish I had responded differently, using them as a tool for reflection and growth rather than judgment.

The invitation is simple: consider how environments, routines, expectations, and relationships can be intentionally designed to support variability, belonging, agency, and joy. What that looks like will, and should, vary for every family.

When we slow down, problem-solve barriers, and create mindful, intentional choices rather than reacting, life becomes more joyful, for children and adults alike.

References

Bronfenbrenner, U., & Morris, P. A. (2006). The bioecological model of human development. Handbook of Child Psychology, 1–49.

Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (2000). The “what” and “why” of goal pursuits: Human needs and the self-

determination of behavior. Psychological Inquiry, 11(4), 227–268.

Fiese, B. H., Tomcho, T. J., Douglas, M., Josephs, K., Poltrock, S., & Baker, T. (2002). A review of 50

years of research on naturally occurring family routines and rituals: Cause for celebration?

Journal of Family Psychology, 16(4), 381–390.

Gershoff, E. T., Sattler, K. M., & Ansari, A. (2016). Learning to do well by doing good: The impact of

chores on child development. Child Development, 87(6), 1857–1871.

Sanders, M. R., & Mazzucchelli, T. G. (2013). The promotion of self-regulation through parenting

interventions. Clinical Child and Family Psychology Review, 16(1), 1–17.

Singer, D. G., & Singer, J. L. (2005). Imaginative play in childhood: The role of creativity and social

development. Harvard University Press.

Whitebread, D., Coltman, P., Jameson, H., & Lander, R. (2012). The importance of play: A report on

the value of children’s play with a series of policy recommendations. University of Cambridge

Faculty of Education.